If this then that
Have you ever told yourself "I'll allow myself to have fun once I finish this project", only to find yourself saying the same thing months later about a different project?
I've been missing from social circles, skipping night outs, and declining road trips. Not because I'm busy, but because I've trapped myself in a rigid thinking pattern: "If I complete X, then I get to do Y."
What Is "If This, Then That" ?
It's the mental framework/pattern where I deny myself immediate pleasures or connections in exchange for future rewards. Recent examples:
- Skipping the Haikyuu film in Delhi (and Spiderverse, Dune 2, Interstellar before it)
- Avoiding hangouts and travel plans : solo or with friends and family.
- Currently: "If I ship pebbles, then I'll reconnect with people"
Origins
After years of being scattered – exploring everything, not focusing on a single thing properly, I overcorrected. I used this framework to force focus on work goals starting from doing just one thing at a time, thinking rigid discipline would compensate for my previously unfocused approach and disappointments.
For a while, it worked. I logged off social platforms, stopped endless YouTube scrolling, and channeled energy into design projects and various other big and little things I am grateful for.
But I went too far.
The goalpost keeps moving. First it was "finish my semester 6 project," then "complete design portfolio," after that "land an internship", and on and on. Each time, I promise myself joy that never comes. My loved ones know the frustration from this.
My God, it go on and on
Just like a circle, I go back where I'm from
– So it Goes, Mac Miller
Costs
What I've lost in last some years:
- Spontaneous connections with the self, friends, and family.
- Films I genuinely wanted to see in theatres.
- Travel experiences that won't come again
- Time for photography and my other hobbies.
A designer of experiences, expertly curating himself out of living them.
Who got hurt: Not just me. My family sees my absence. My friends experience my withdrawal.
The paradox: This thinking pattern, meant to make me more effective, has made me rigid and tunnel vision. It's the opposite of who I was and I didn’t even think that this would happen as this was not a conscious decision of mine, it happened on its own.
The Way Forward ☡
I'm learning acceptance and moderation between spontaneity and rigidity. The "if this, then that" framework isn't inherently bad. It's the extreme misuse that's been problematic.
I won't preach balance because I don't believe in it as a static state. Life is more about conscious choices in each moment.
I wrote the first draft of this in May 2024 and spent a year moving the goalpost on when to publish it. My plan was to write and post this after I shipped my next project, but here I am :) spontaneously editing and posting it anyway.
In my previous two posts I committed to regular writing but didn't follow through. I missed deadlines for four posts, and after the disappointment, writing just slipped from my mind entirely.
Well the joy is immense right now, and I'm looking forward to iterating patterns and writing more again. Leaving Caladan.
What are your thoughts on this pattern? I'd love to know your take.
Send a mail - chiragxpurohit@protonmail.com <<->> •